Bambi Inuyasha Style!
by kagura37
Summary: What the title says! It's the movie 'Bambi,' revised Inuyasha style and mocked. -


A/N: I'm going to do a couple cute inu-movie parodies. ^_^ The first one's Bambi! Enjoy! I WILL finish my other stories…hopefully. (I'm a very good procrastinator) 

Kagura-Narrator

Rin-Owl

Inuyasha-Bambi

Kagome-Faline

Hojo-Faline's mom

Sango-Bambi's mom

Miroku-Bambi's dad

Sesshoumaru-Thumper

Kanna-Thumper's mom

Naraku-Flower

Kouga- Ronno, the other deer that challenges grown-up Bambi

~*~*~*

Kagura: Bambi was born in a little forest thicket. A bird soon spotted him there and put up an alert to the rest of the forest. Soon, the whole forest was alive with people going to see the newborn baby. *mumbles* what a load of crap...The noise soon woke a owl resting in a tree

Rin: Who? Who is waking Rin up?

Sesshoumaru: Come on Rin.  Some prince was born…and I guess we're going to see him.

Kagura: The owl went to the forest thicket along with the rest of the forest. *to authoress* Stupid. How can a forest move? 

Whitney: Shut up and keep narrating, missy.

Kagura: *scowls* The whole forest was soon crowded around the small thicket.

Rin: Rin says congratulations! *grin* It isn't everyday that a Prince is born in the forest.

Sango: Uh...yeah, thanks. *makes Inuyasha get up*

Inuyasha: I know how to stand, get off me! *tries to get up* *falls over* Crap! Why am I like this-

Sango: *quickly slaps a hand, er, hoof over Bambi's mouth* Be quiet. You're a newborn! You can't talk! 

Inuyasha: *muffled profanity*

Rin: *shocked*

Sesshoumaru: *snickers* Look at that dimwit that's unable to stand. Hn.

Kanna: ...

Kagura: The RUDE bunny's mother *pointed look at Kanna* has a line next.

Kanna:...

That isn't very nice...

Rin: Rin thinks that the little prince is sleepy!  Rin thinks it's time we all left!

Kagura: Slowly all the woodland creatures left the thicket. Thumper was the last to leave.

Sesshoumaru: So. I hate him, but I guess I'm nice? Hn. 

Kagura: Cooperate or I'm getting the authoress to kill you off.

Sesshoumaru: Hn. *to Sango* What are you going to name Inuyash-I mean, uh...him?

Sango: Huh? Oh...uh...I guess I'll call him Bambi. That's the name of the story, you know.

Sesshoumaru: Bambi, huh? *looks at Inuyasha, struggling to say something* That's a good name, I guess. It's gay enough.

Kagura: And he also hopped away.

Sesshoumaru: Uh-uh. There is no way I am fucking hopping. No way. No. *moseys off*

Kagura: o.O I don't think rabbits were meant to mosey.

*random shot of Miroku with a line of girls in front of him.  Then we see Sango come up, and slap him*

Sango: You were supposed to be watching the stupid little forest creatures greet our son!

Kagura: The next scene has been omitted for concern to our younger viewers.

~*~*~*

Kagura: One day Bambi and his mother were walking through the woods.

Inuyasha: Why do I have to be the baby deer?

Kagura: I don't know...I suppose we could make Kouga Bambi.

Inuyasha: Yes! That sounds good.

Kagura: But then...Kouga would marry Kagome...

Inuyasha: Oh, I love being a deer and following my mother through the woods for no reason!

Kagura: *smirk*

Finally, they came to a clearing and met Thumper and his family.

Sesshoumaru: Is there a part in this fic where I kill Inuy-I mean...Bambi?

Kagura: It's based on a Disney movie. Made for small children. Figure it out.

Sesshoumaru: Well, in 'Sleeping Beauty', that evil witch died. 

Kagura: She was evil!

Sesshoumaru: She was tight.

Kagura: *thinks a bit* Yeah, she was pretty cool. But sorry, you don't kill him.

Sesshoumaru: That's cheap.

Kagura: Sorry!  

Sesshoumaru: Hey, Bambi, wanna play with me and my family of rabbits? *mutters to self* If we're lucky, he'll die in a tragic tripping accident...*clears throat* Let's play.

Inuyasha: No w-

Kagura: Bambi and Thumper ran and hopped through the forest.

Inuyasha: But-

Kagura: Shut up or you'll die and be unable to marry Kagome.

Inuyasha: *scowls darkly but shuts up*

Sesshoumaru: *sees log* Now's my chance... *hops over it* Come on Bambi, jump over the log!

Inuyasha: That's-

Kagura: NO TALKING!

Inuyasha: *pathetic jump* *falls on top of log*

Sesshoumaru: What a loser...

Kagura: They went on their way, and soon came upon a family of birds sitting on a tree branch.

Sesshoumaru: Those are birds, Bambi.

Inuyasha: I know that!

Kagura: Wrong line, Inuyasha.

Inuyasha: Burr…burrs.

Sesshoumaru: Oh, just say it already and save us a lot of useless suffering.

Inuyasha: Bird.

Kagura: Better. Soon a butterfly flitted *mumbles* what kind of word is flitted?! across their path.

Inuyasha: *bored* Bird, bird. How can I not know that's a bird?!

Sesshoumaru: No, Stupid, that's a butterfly.

Kagura: The butterfly disappeared into a clump of flowers.

Inuyasha: *to flowers* Butterfly. 

Sesshoumaru: God, you're stupider than I thought! Those are flowers. *smells flowers*

Inuyasha: *smells flowers*

Naraku: *comes out of flowers*

Inuyasha: FLOWER!

Sesshoumaru: Are you going to do this for every word?! Honestly. That's a baboon. 

Kagura: Um, actually...It's a skunk. The costumes got messed up...

Inuyasha: Flower.

Naraku: Stop calling me flower!

Sesshoumaru: Bambi, that's a giant tampon.

Kagura: Skunk.

Sesshoumaru: Skunk...Yeah, I meant skunk.

Naraku: Actually, the pelt of an albino baboon-

Kagura: Save it, in this fic, you're a skunk. And your next line has nothing to do with skunks, baboons, or giant tampons. It has to do with flowers.

Naraku: *sigh* I don't care. The little Prince can call me Flower if he wants to.

~*~*~*

Kagura: Another morning, after Bambi knows how to talk, he and his mom are, yet again walking down a forest path.

Sango: Am I gonna mysteriously disappear this time?

Kagura: *consults script* No, I don't think so...

Sango: Cool.

Kagura: …anyway, they were walking through the forest down a new path they had never been down before. Soon the path ended and Bambi could see great, bright, open space spread out before them. Bambi wanted to bound right out to play in the sunshine, but-

Inuyasha: Actually, I really couldn't care less.

Kagura: He really really wanted to, but his mother stopped him.

Sango: I couldn't care less either.

Kagura: She told him…?

Sango: *sigh* Wait, Bambi. You must never go out onto the meadow until you are sure it is safe. *pause* Why do I have to die?

Kagura: She took a few slow, careful steps forward. She listened and sniffed in all directions.

Sango: Jeez, you make it seem like I can't defend myself. Come on, Bambi. 

Kagura: Bambi bounded out. He felt so good and so happy that he leapt into the air again and again. For the meadow was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen.

Entire Cast: *throws up*

*minutes pass*

Kagura: Well. Wasn't THAT a load of crap.

Sesshoumaru: I think I'm scarred for life.

Jankotsu: Well, I thought it was kind of nice…

Everyone else: *stare disbelievingly*

Kagura: Where the hell did you come from?

Naraku: And how could you hear that without throwing up?

Kagome: Jeez, I'm the sappy one and even that was too much.

Kagura: Well, anyway, Bambi and his mother ran through the meadow, blah blah blah. Bambi came across the rabbits eating clover.

Sesshoumaru: Hey, Bambi. Have some clover?

Inuyasha: *trying not to laugh* You're eating clover?!

Sesshoumaru: The blossoms are actually pretty good.

Inuyasha: *laughs*

Kanna:…I think I'm supposed to tell you to recite something your father, who sounds gay, told you.

Sesshoumaru: *blinks*

Oh…that? Was I supposed to be paying attention?

Kagura: YES YOU WERE.

Sesshoumaru: Oh. My bad.

Kagura: I advise you to remember.

Sesshoumaru: *looks at the script* No way am I saying that.

Kagura: You know, I think Whitney said something about making Sleeping Beauty next. You were going to be the evil witch…but I think we could manage making you the fat fairy…

Sesshoumaru: *looks horrified, then sighs* Eating greens is a special treat. It makes big ears and…great…big…feet.

*offstage, Whitney and Kacey burst out laughing, and Kacey goes 'Whose shoes are those?'*

Kagura: Ignore them, they have too many inside jokes, and I think they're on crack.  Bambi left Thumper and spied his little friend the skunk. 

Naraku: I'm not little.

Inuyasha: And he's not my friend.

Sesshoumaru: I thought he was a giant tampon.

Kagura: SHUT UP! Bambi saw Flower.

Inuyasha: Hello, Flower.

Kagura: Bambi found his way to the pond. He hurried over for a closer look. Bambi looked into the water. As he looked harder, he jumped back. (A/N: Alternative scene at the end) For he saw a fawn down there, looking back at him!

Sesshoumaru: How gay are you? Scared of your own reflection?! Pssh.

Sango: I didn't mysteriously disappear! *looks around* Jankotsu did, though…Don't be scared, you wuss…I mean…Bambi. You're just seeing your reflection in the water.

Kagura: So Bambi looked again. This time, there were **two** fawns staring back at him! He lifted his head and saw it was true. There was another little fawn standing beside him!

Kagome: Hello!

Inuyasha: He-

Kagura: Bambi backed away and ran to his mother, who was eating grass beside another doe.

Hojo: Hi Kagome! *pause* I'm her mother? That's not fair…

Sango: Hey, cool. I can teleport!

Inuyasha: Why would I be running away from **her**?

Kagura: Bambi peered out from behind his mother at the other little fawn, who had followed him.

Sango: Don't be afraid, stupid. This is your Aunt Ena and little Faline. Can't you say hello to them?

Inuyasha: Well I TRIED to before but that stupid narrator-

Kagura: *GLARE*

Inuyasha: That nice wonderful narrator stopped me. 

Kagura: Well, you're not supposed to say anything to them yet.

Hojo: Hello.

Kagome: Hello

Inuyasha: He-

Sango: *whispers fiercely* You're still not supposed to say anything! Aunt Ena and Faline are deer like us. Can't you say hello?

Inuyasha: I'm not a deer, and I'VE BEEN TRYING TO SAY HELLO BUT I KEEP GETTING INTERRUPTED! Hello, Kago…er…Faline. 

Kagome: Come and play, Bambi!

Kagura: So they ran around quite pointlessly. Isn't that wonderful?

Rest of Cast: No.

Kagura: …I was being sarcastic…

Then a bunch of other random deer run into the meadow.  Miroku stops and looks at Sango and Inuyasha, then goes to the edge of the meadow.*

Inuyasha: *to Sango* He looked at me!

Sango: *irritated* Yeah, and he could have done a little more. Still needs to give me the child support for the past two months. No wonder he's sulking at the edge of the forest. He will wish he's farther away then that! *walks off toward Miroku*

Miroku: *quickly evades Sango* Look at the birds up there!  We must leave! *all the deer, including Kagome, Sango, Inuyasha, and Hojo run to the forest.  Gunshots are heard*

Inuyasha: Why're we running?

Sango: Um.  Were we running? I was just trying to catch your father…

Kagura: Ahem.  Then what were the gunshots?

Sango: Oh…I guess Man was in the forest. Bambi, Man was in the forest. 

Kagura: *rolls eyes* I'm surrounded by idiots…

~*~*~*

One morning, Bambi woke up shivering with cold.

Inuyasha: I don't get cold.

Kagura: Then he looked out the thicket. Everything was covered in snow.

Sango: *mutters* I'm getting tired of explaining every single little thing to this kid…*sigh* It's snow. Go ahead and walk on it. It's okay.

Inuyasha: I know what snow is! Jeez!

Kagura: Bambi stepped cautiously out onto the snow very carefully. His feet sank into the deep snow and he had to lift them up very high as he walked along.

Inuyasha: o.O No way am I walking like that. I'll go back to bed.

Kagura: No, you won't.

As he was wandering along the forest, he found Thumper sitting on top of the pond.

Sesshoumaru: Come on, Bambi! Look! The water stiff! *thumps foot on pond* You can even slide on it. Watch and I'll show you. *mutters to self* I can hope for a…_tragic_ accident in which the ice breaks and he falls through… *grudgingly slides on ice*

Inuyasha: *slide* *legs shoot out from under him and he fell on the hard ice.

Sesshoumaru: *smirk* That's pretty good too.

Inuyasha: Stupid bastard…Let's do something else. Hey, where's Flower?

Naraku: Stop calling me Flower!

Sesshoumaru: Oh, you mean the giant tampon dude?

Kagura: How many times must I tell you? He's a SKUNK!

Inuyasha: Flower.

Sesshoumaru: Stupid bastard. He's a baboon.

Inuyasha: Well whatever/whoever he is, where is he?

Sesshoumaru: I think I know.

Kagura: Thumper led Bambi to a deep burrow. There, lying on a bed of wilted flowers, was he little skunk!

Naraku: I'm not little, and I would never sleep on flowers, and I'm not a skunk. 

Inuyasha: Wake up, stupid gay skunk!

Naraku: I'm not gay, either. . 

Sesshoumaru: Then why is your name Flower?

Naraku: Because you IDIOTS named me Flower!

Kagura: Inuyasha, could you say your last line again and correctly, please?

Inuyasha: Wake up, FLOWER! *takes great delight in calling him Flower*

Naraku: Is it spring yet?

Inuyasha: No, dummy, winter's just started. You'd be able to tell if it was spring, dumbass. What are you doing in that burrow?

Sesshoumaru: He's sleeping on flowers.

Naraku: *glare at Sesshoumaru* I'm hibernating. *pause* Aw crap! Do I really have to say the next line?!

Kagura: Yes, you do.

Naraku: *grumbling* Flowers…*pause* *through gritted teeth* Flowers always sleep through the winter, you know. X_X

Sesshoumaru and Inuyasha: HAHAHA!!! *snicker*

~*~*~*

Sango: Look.  New spring grass.  Must I explain everything to you??

*gunshot is heard*

Sango: Oh. We better run.

Kagura: *mutter* And you call yourself an actress…On your resume, it SAID you were dramatic…I really hate liars…That's it, I've decided that you are dying.

Sango: I mean…RUN, Bambi! Danger! Quick! Tot the little thicket thing! Danger! Run! And don't look back! *to narrator* How was that?

Kagura: Hmm…pretty good, kid. But…You die anyway. 

Inuyasha: *arrives in thicket* Um. Now what? We made it…*notices Sango is gone* Well…I'm supposed to go run around outside looking for her and crying now…

*angst angst angst*

Miroku: Your mother can't be with you anymore. Woo! Now I'm free of her nagging!  All she ever did...so what if I hit on another deer occasionally…

*shot off offstage, where Hojo and Kouga are holding Sango back, who is trying fiercely to get at Miroku's throat*

Kagura: Um, right.  Not that exciting…back to the actual scene?

Miroku: Come on…son? Okay…THAT'S  why she kept on asking for child support…my bad.

~*~*~*

Rin: *Trying to sleep in a tree, but is getting shaken by a deer edging his antlers* Stop that! Rin is trying to sleep!  Sesshoumaru-sama told Rin to sleep and Rin-

Kagura: *to Rin* Oh, just shut up.

Inuyasha: Don't you remember me?

Rin: Rin thinks so! It is young Prince Bambi! Rin thinks you've changed! 

Inuyasha: Duh.

Sesshoumaru: Be nice to the child, Halfling.  *mutter* Half-wit is more like it…

Naraku: *rolls eyes* You are all such idiots.

Inuyasha: Whoa…where did you two just come from?

Naraku and Sesshoumaru: *shrug*

*squirrels and birds are flying around randomly, acting in love*

Naraku: *gags* What are they doing?

Sesshoumaru: *looks ill* 

Rin: Don't you know? They're twitter-pattered.

Naraku, Sesshoumaru, and Inuyasha: *snicker at the stupid word* Twitter-pattered?

Rin: Yes. Nearly everybody gets twitter-patted in the springtime. Except for Rin!  For example, you're walking along minding your own business; you're looking neither to the left, nor to the right when all of a sudden you run smack into a pretty face. You begin to get weak in the knees, your head's in a whirl! And then you feel light as feather, and before you know it you're walking on air, and then, you know what? You're knocked for a loop! And you completely lose your head!

Sesshoumaru: *shocked* HOW DO YOU KNOW ALL THIS?!?!

Rin: The script says so.

Sesshoumaru: *relieved* Ok. If that's the way you found out…

Rin:…And Kagome-sama and Sango-sama and Kagura-sama told me about it!

Sesshoumaru: *looks furious*

Kagome, Sango, and Kagura: Rin! You weren't supposed to tell him…*they hide*

Rin: And that isn't all. It can happen to anybody, so you'd better be careful. It could happen to you!

Inuyasha: Well it isn't gonna happen to me. 

Sesshoumaru: Ew. Me either.

Naraku: Not going to happen to me, no it isn't.

*they walk off together, bickering like they tend to do.  Then Naraku and Sesshoumaru both see beautiful skunks and rabbits, and they walk off, enamored.*

Naraku: Ew! No!

Kagura: Yes! 

Sesshoumaru: *suspicious look* Why are the sexes of the other two nameless skunks and rabbits undetermined?

Kagura: *whistles* No idea?

Inuyasha: *Walks down to the river and meets Faline*

Kagura: And, naturally, since this is a movie, then they magically fall in love in a manner of seconds. *rolls eyes*

Kouga: Kagome! You're MY…erm…deer.  Mine! *leads Kagome away*\

Kagura: And, since this is a movie, the chick can't do anything by herself, which is a complete load of bullshit.

Kagome: Yeah! But…Oh well. Inuyasha, help!

Inuyasha: Yeah, I guess I'll save you.

Kouga: No chance!

Kagura: So they fight, and since this movie is called 'Bambi,' not 'Ronno,' Bambi has to win. Stupid movie clichés.

~*~*~*

Kagura: Bambi and Faline wake up to the smell of smoke.

Inuyasha: Shit. We should wander around aimlessly outside now. 

Kagome: Yeah, good idea.

*they go outside*

Miroku: *happens to find them* It is Man. There are a bunch of 'em.  We have to cross the river.

Kagura: Then some angst, where they are running, along with every single other animal in the forest.  They make it, of course.  Celebration. *rolls eyes*

~*~*~*

Kagome: *has two fawns with her in the thicket*

Rin: Isn't it amazing how Rin was old at the beginning of the story, when Bambi was a baby, and still be alive to see his children?

~*~*~*

*Miroku and Inuyasha on top of the cliff thing* 

Miroku: It's really nice of you to actually watch over Kagome. 

Inuyasha: Who?

~*~*~*

Kagura: And, of course, they all lived happily ever after.  Except for Kouga.

Kouga: *growls* At least I know who Kagome IS.

Kagura: I don't think Sango's too happy either.

Sango: *sarcastic* No, I'm dead but overjoyed.

Sesshoumaru and Naraku: We're not too happy either. 

Naraku: I don't think I'm even CAPABLE of anything remotely close to love.

Sesshoumaru: And I'm still wondering why the sexes weren't specified!

Kagura: Oh please. Like you'd mind.

Sesshoumaru: I would!

Kagura: Well, everyone of importance was happy, as it often is in any movie that has sooo many tiresome clichés in it.

~*~*~*

ALTERNATIVE SCENE:

Kagura: Bambi found his way to the pond. He hurried over for a closer look. Bambi looked into the water. He saw himself in it. 
    
    Inuyasha: {Disappointed sigh} That's not my father. That's just
    
         my reflection.
    
     Kagura: Really? Oops. Look harder.
    
     {Kagura motions over the pool. Ripples form, distorting Inuyasha's
    
     reflection; they resolve into Miroku's face. A deep rumbling noise
    
     is heard.
    
         You see, he lives in you.

Miroku: No I don't! I'm right here, thank you very much.

Kagura: No. You're dead.

Miroku: When did I die?

*bicker bicker*


End file.
